Featured Screenplay: Die Klientin – German Edition

$ 32Dann halt ausnahmsweise mal auf Deutsch.

Im Herbst 2016 schrieb ich im Zuge von #ProjectMomentum ein deutsches Drehbuch. Ausgehend von einer sehr alten Idee, die seit Jahren unberührt auf meiner Festplatte vor sich hin vegetierte, wagte ich mich nach mehreren englischen Drehbüchern an ein Deutsches. Neben der Verarbeitung von einigen weniger tollen Erlebnissen war das Ziel ein Drehbuch für den deutschen TV Markt zu schreiben, preiswert ohne viele Effekte, einfach eine gute Story mit interessanten Charakteren.

Herausgekommen ist ein Gerichts-Thriller mit Ecken und Kanten. Der Staranwalt Benjamin verteidigt Katharina, eine alte Flamme und/oder die Liebe seines Lebens, gegen ihren ehemaligen Arbeitgeber, einen skrupellosen Energiekonzern der für Profit über Leichen geht. Mit der Hilfe eines Reporterkollegen versucht er die Verschwörung aufzudecken. Wer hat Katharinas Mann ermordet? Wer hat Katharinas Sohn entführt? Wer will sie hinter Gittern sehen? Die Antworte auf diese und weitere Fragen liefert „Die Klientin.

Erklärtes Ziel war ein preiswert zu produzierendes Drehbuch, im Gegensatz zu den High-Concept Action-Adventures die es hier normalerweise gibt. Keine teuren Sets, nicht zu viele Charaktere aber eine spannende Story mit einem cooler Twist, der die Zuschauer en wenig aus der Reserve lockt.

Das Drehbuch steckt noch im Feinschliff und Feedback ist sehr erwünscht. Ich bin gespannt ob ihr denkt ich hätte meine Ziele erreicht.

In der folgenden Sequenz treffen sich Benjamin und Katharina an einem Klassentreffen. Er war früher hoffnungslos in sie verliebt, ist nicht gut ausgegangen aber lest selbst.

INT. GANG BEI DER TOILETTE

Benjamin ist auf dem Weg zur Toilette. Er wird von der Seite angerempelt.

Eine leicht beschwipste Katharina stolpert in seine Arme und schüttet ihren drink auf sein Hemd.

BENJAMIN

Ernsthaft! So ne Scheisse!

Katharina schaut ihn mit grossen lächelnden Augen an.

KATHARINA

Hoppla, ich Schussel.

Benjamin schüttelt den Kopf und ist dabei in Rage zu geraten.

BENJAMIN

Schussel??? Da fallen mir auf anhieb mindestens siebzehn treffendere Namen ein, du..

Katharina lächelt ihn immer noch unschuldig an, sie hat eines dieser Lächeln.

BENJAMIN

...Trampeltier.

Katharina will was antworten doch er ignoriert sie und geht genervt in die Toilette.

INT. MÄNNERTOILETTE

Benjamin geht Richtung Pissoir und packt aus.

Die Tür geht auf: Katharina.

Benjamin schaut sie überrascht an.

BENJAMIN

Falsches Klo!

KATHARINA

Echt jetzt!?!

Sie dreht sich weg,

KATHARINA

Wegen vorhin...

Benjamin schüttelt den Kopf, er ist leicht irritiert.

BENJAMIN

Fühl mich ja geschmeichelt aber ich bin hier grad ein wenig beschäftigt.

Katharina dreht sich erneut um nur um sich gleich wieder wegzudrehen.

KATHARINA

Schon klar. Ich wollt nur sagen. Die doppelte Rempelei vorhin...war echt keine Absicht.

BENJAMIN

Aha... also wenn das ne Entschuldigung werden soll, dann beeil dich. ES ZIEHT!

Katharina macht einen Schritt hin zur Tür.

Sie traut ihren Ohren nicht, sie verlässt die Toilette und schlägt genervt die Tür zu.

Benjamin ist fertig und packt ein und geht zum Waschbecken und begutachtet sein dreckiges Hemd.

Er schüttelt den Kopf.

BENJAMIN

Dumme Kuh.

CUT TO:

INT. KLASSENTREFFEN BAR

Benjamin, sein Hemd alles andere als sauber, und Thomas stehen an der Bar.

Katharina bahnt sich einen Weg durch die Menschenmenge.

THOMAS

Achtung!

Katharina steht vor Benjamin.

BENJAMIN

Ja? Was denn jetzt? Ist mein Hemd immer noch zu weiss?

Sie zögert.

KATHARINA

Ihr Männer wisst einfach nicht wann...

Sie holt tief Luft

KATHARINA

Tut mir leid!

Benjamin traut seinen Ohren kaum und grinst.

BENJAMIN

Na geht doch. Jetzt noch ein Bier und die Sache ist vergessen.

INT. LOUNGE

Benjamin und Katharina sitzen an einem Tischchen im Lounge Bereich. Benjamin mit einem Bier und Katharina mit einem Cocktail.

Katharina schaut auf sein Namensschild.

KATHARINA

Hmm, Benjamin? Du kommst mir irgendwie bekannt vor aber ich kann dich einfach nicht zuordnen. Du bist nicht einer dieser Party Crasher, oder?

Benjamin schüttelt den Kopf.

BENJAMIN

Leider nein, hatte das Vergnügen an diese Schule zu gehen.

KATHARINA

Kannst du mir einen Tipp geben?

Benjamin schüttelt den Kopf grinst.

BENJAMIN

Und wo ist da der Spass für mich?

KATHARINA

Gemein. Ich hab so echt Mühe mit den Gesichtern und Namen von damals.

Benjamin geniesst den Moment.

BENJAMIN

Ich finde es grad ein wenig gemein, dass du dich nicht an mich erinnerst.

Er zeigt auf sein dreckiges Hemd.

BENJAMIN

Ist schliesslich nicht das erste Mal, dass du mich wie einen begossenen Pudel aussehen lässt.

Katharina denkt nach.

KATHARINA

Bin ich mal in der Cafeteria mit dir zusammengestossen?

Benjamin wedelt mit seinen Händen.

BENJAMIN

Es wird wärmer.

KATHARINA

Aber wir hatten keine Stunden zusammen?

BENJAMIN

Doch, eine Menge sogar.

KATHARINA

Mathe?

Benjamin nickt und nimmt einen Schluck Bier.

KATHARINA

Cafeteria...Stunden...?

Katharina denkt nach.

KATHARINA

Hatten wir mal was miteinander?

Ben verschluckt ich und prustet das Bier fast aus Mund und Nase.

BENJAMIN

Sorry. Der war zu gut.

KATHARINA

So abwegig ist das jetzt doch nicht.

Benjamins Gesicht wird etwas ernster.

BENJAMIN

Scheinbar würdest du dich heute nicht verarscht fühlen wenn ich mit dir flirte.

Katarina schaut ihn entgeistert an.

Der Groschen fällt.

KATHARINA

Oh....

Unangenehmes Schweigen.

Benjamin nippt genüsslich an seinem Bier. Man sieht Katharina an das sie sich unwohl fühlt und er geniesst es.

Katharina bricht das Schweigen.

KATHARINA

Du... schaust gut aus.

BENJAMIN

Danke.

KATHARINA

Damals warst du doch eher ein wenig....

Benjamin fällt ihr ins Wort.

BENJAMIN

En wenig ... was?

Katharina ist etwas verlegen, nickt und lächelt.

KATHARINA

Ich wollte nicht...

BENJAMIN

Schon gut, ich hab abgenommen. Du warst nicht ganz unschuldig daran.

KATHARINA

Ich war jung und eingebildet. Ich war einfach gemein.

Benjamin nickt.

KATHARINA

Ein wenig zu beschäftigen scheint es dich aber immer noch.

Benjamin grinst verlegen.

BENJAMIN

Bei einem Klassentreffen kommen alte Erinnerungen hoch und manche waren eben prägender als andere

KATHARINA

Klingt so als müsste ich mich nochmals entschuldigen... Zu meiner Verteidigung, heute würde ich es anders machen.

BENJAMIN

Mir anders eine Abfuhr erteilen? Oder Typen wie mir eine Chance geben?

Katharina nickt und statt zu antworten lächelt sie einfach.

KATHARINA

Dann sind wir ja quitt.

Benjamin grinst schelmisch.

BENJAMIN

Naja, ich weiss jetzt nicht ob man eine schlechte Anmache mit Lebenslangen emotionalem Trauma gleichsetzen kann.

KATHARINA

Ein Bier hab ich dir auch spendiert.

Benjamin nimmt einen Schluck.

BENJAMIN

Ich überlege es mir nach dem zweiten.

Katharina grinst.

KATHARINA

Und wie gehts sonst so? Ich seh keinen Ring an deinem Finger.

Benjamin schaut auf seine ringlose Hand.

BENJAMIN

Liess sich bislang vermeiden. Du scheinst nicht so viel Glück gehabt zu haben

Katharina zeigt verlegen ihren Ehering.

KATHARINA

Ich haben einen Kleinen Sohn, Martin, also wir, Bernhard, mein Mann und ich, wir sind seit 4 Jahren verheiratet.

Katharina kramt ihr Handy hervor doch Benjamin winkt ab.

BENJAMIN

Ich bin nicht so der Babyfoto Typ.

Katharina lächelt.

KATHARINA

Dein Pech. Ich bin nämlich eine Babyfoto-Mutti, also ertrag den Schmerz.

Sie zeigt ihm mehrere Fotos des süssen, kleinen MARTINS, ein süßer kleiner 2 Jähriger.

Martin lachend.

Martin wie er einen Ball kickt.

Martin wie er sich Brei um den Mund schmiert.

Benjamin muss grinsen, die Bilder sind echt süss.

BENJAMIN

Ok, der Kleine ist tatsächlich relativ süß. Für ein Kind

Katharina grinst.

KATHARINA

Sind halt nicht alle alle so süss wie mein Martin.

Katharina verstaut ihr handy in ihrer Tasche.

BENJAMIN

Und wie ernährst du den kleinen Martin?

KATHARINA

Ich arbeite bei IEP in der Geschäftsleitung, bin für Übernahmen zuständig.

Benjamin grinst über beide Ohren.

KATHARINA

Was? Was ist so lustig für einen Energiekonzern zu arbeiten?

BENJAMIN

Energiekonzern? Komm schon, alle wissen wie der Hase bei IEP läuft. Die lassen Mafiabosse wie Engelchen ausschauen. Die Russen habt ihr ja so richtig übers Ohr gehauen und was “ihr” mit dem Solarunternehmen gemacht habt, echt nicht OK.

Katharina schaut überrascht.

KATHARINA

Du bist ja echt informiert.

BENJAMIN

Ich lese oft die Zeitung und über euch steht recht viel drin.

KATHARINA

Wo gehobelt wird da fallen Späne.

Benjamin grinst.

BENJAMIN

Das klingt ja sehr überzeugend. Ich hoffe einfach, dass der Kerl mit den Solarzellen euch verklagt und zwar so richtig.

KATHARINA

Tut er. Ich muss nächste Woche aussagen. Ich mach mir aber keine Sorgen, er hat so gut wie keine Chance. Unsere Anwälte werden ihn auseinander nehmen.

BENJAMIN

Ganz schön selbstsicher, jeder der die Zeitung aufgeschlagen hat weiss dass ihr ihn übers Ohr gehauen habt. Sein Produkt war toll, hat euch einfach nicht ins Konzept gepasst und deswegen habt ihr es gekillt.

KATHARINA

Man sollte nicht alles was in der Zeitung steht, und selbst wenn, wir haben Gutachten und das Gesetz ist erst recht auf unserer Seite. Es zählen nur Beweise und bis jetzt konnte er noch keine liefern.

Benjamin schüttelt den Kopf und lächelt.

BENJAMIN

Du bist ja knallhart und ich dachte zu mir warst du damals gemein.

KATHARINA

Naja, um sich als Frau in meinem Job zu etablieren darf man nicht zimperlich sein. Die Männer sind es auch nicht der unterschied ist einfach, bei den Männern ist es guter Geschäftssinn, Frauen sind gemeine Zicken.

BENJAMIN

Als Zicke hab ich dich auch schon verflicht aber tut dir der Kerl nicht leid? Ihr habt ihm seine Firma quasi geklaut und ihn dann vor die Tür gestellt.

KATHARINA

Geklaut klingt so böse, annektiert klingt soviel besser.

Auf der anderen Seite der Lounge versucht ein leicht betrunkener Thomas eine der Bedienungen anzumachen.

Sehr erfolglos.

Benjamin sieht ihn.

BENJAMIN

Ich würde ja gerne noch mehr Firmengeheimnisse erfahren aber mein Freund Thomas braucht mich glaub bevor er zu aufdringlich wird.

KATHARINA

War nett, vielleicht sehen wir uns ja beim nächsten Klassentreffen.

Benjamin steht auf, Sie geben sich die Hände und Benjamin geht Richtung Thomas doch er dreht sich noch kurz um.

BENJAMIN

Oder etwas früher.

Noch nicht perfekt aber auf gutem weg. Auf www.whiteworms.com gibt es das ganze Drehbuch. Würde mich wirklich über Kommentare freuen.

Featured Screenplay: Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs

$ 32Finally, the third (and hopefully not last) part in this ongoing series. Today I want to talk about “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs” and what went on behind the scenes.

If you visited the “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs” section on www.whiteworms.com you are probably familiar with the basic story but let me recap.

After “Skyscraper” we wanted to write a big space adventure. We tried to come up with original ideas but the more we worked on our ideas and the more thy took shape, the more we realised that our minds were set in something else. During a long “meeting” at the bar during Comic-Con in 2012 we decided that instead of an original space opera, we were going to write a “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs” movie.

Right from the beginning, the process was very different than what we were used to. Unlike “Skyscraper” we had underlying material and we had something to build on, admittedly flawed material but there was stuff to build on. There was/is a world, characters, rules and plot-points that just need(ed) to happen. Looking back, it’s quite interesting to realise that we probably had the same discussions that are happening right now at big studios when they decide to reboot an old property.

What has to be in the movie? What has to go? How do you make fans happy? How do you recruit new fans? It’s impossible to keep everyone happy. I joined a “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs” message board and I floated some ideas, and to say that reactions were mixed is an understatement. Some people feel very protective of the thing they liked as a kid and are not able to talk about its shortcomings, and trust me “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs” has a lot of those.

Our main job was to turn the pilot into a movie that makes sense and is not too different from the show to alienate fans. That’s a tall order from the get go. How do you turn 20 minutes into two hours? Well, we fleshed out the backstory of the worlds and decided to turn the Outriders into an old enemy that returns after many years. We put Fireballs dad into the prologue (you might need him in movie 2 or 3, who knows) and tried to give the characters more of a reason to join/be selected to become Star Sheriffs.

We added some big disasters and some nice action set-pieces, sky-beam finale1 included and made sure that the story had some urgency, the basic structure was that of a “chase-movie”, our characters have to get somewhere before the enemy, simple but effective.

The first version wasn’t bad but it’s wasn’t that good either. We were looking for the idea to tie everything together and we found it. We went bold and made some changes to the main character. We turned Saber Rider into an old guy. Needless to say, the message board wasn’t too happy about that but we stand by our decision. It made everything more personal for Saber Rider, he was there when it all started and he is now there to finish it, 25 years later, after 25 years of him being laughed at for his views but suddenly, as the Outrider return, the Cavalry Command needs him. It also makes sense that he assumes the role of the leader and it makes for a good surprise that he doesn’t know about Project RAMROD. I actually talked about this change in an earlier post.

But enough about the history of “Saber Rider & the Star Sheriffs”, you’re here to get a sample and here it is. It’s one of my favourite sequences. Orlindo came up with most of it and I translated and fleshed it out. It’s the in the first act, Vena2 escapes from the hospital and kidnaps April. A chase ensues. Enjoy.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY

Saber looks around and catches a glimpse of Vena pushing her bed along the hallway.

SABER

Stop her!

Vena turns around, smiles and keeps running -- still cuffed to the hovering bed.

Colt steps out of the room, smiling.

COLT

Wow, I’m not sure what’s more impressive. That she can still walk or that you let a gal with two broken legs slip.

Saber turns and looks really annoyed, he had it with this guy.

SABER

You were there too, so stop talking and get to the ground floor to cut her off.

But too late -- Colt is already running.

Saber pursues him.

Then Fireball -- paddling in the air -- using his hover bed as a boat -- floats out of the room.

FIREBALL

Guys?!

But they’re gone. Fireball looks around and an OLD LADY in an electric wheelchair passes him. Fireball smiles at her.

FIREBALL

Excuse me ma’am!

The old lady turns and smiles as well -- she looks quite smitten with him.

OLD LADY

Are you my grandson?

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Vena runs along the hallway, still pushing the bed she’s cuffed to.

She runs past a supply station and grabs a pair of scissors. She tries to open the cuffs but the scissors break in half.

A GUARD tries to stop her but Vena stabs him in the neck with the broken scissors. The guard SCREAMS and falls to the ground.

Vena stops, takes the guard’s gun and aims at the cuffs. Still -- no luck.

Vena starts running again and turns around a corner -- a dead end. The doors are too narrow to get the bed through.

Then -- Colt and Saber come around the corner. They have Vena cornered but she is not giving up.

Vena turns the bed around and runs towards Saber and Colt and FIRES at them.

Colt and Saber duck and FIRE back.

Vena starts running again, she picks up speed and presses some buttons on the bed’s hover controls.

The bed picks up height. Vena slides onto the bed and uses the momentum to float past Saber and Colt.

Vena FIRES at the large panoramic window ahead, turns and smiles at Colt and Saber.

Saber and Colt look astonished.

INT./EXT. YUMA MEMORIAL

Vena CRASHES through the window. For a moment she’s floating in the air.

She presses the button again and reverses the hover engine -- the bed is now vertically attached to the building; Vena slides off the bed but the cuffs save her from falling.

The bed picks up speed. Racing down the wall.

Vena pulls herself back onto the bed.

Saber and Colt look out the broken window. They are speechless.

Vena waves at them with a smile. She presses another button and the bed slows down.

SABER

Cuffing her was a great idea.

Colt GROWLS. Saber turns on his heels and runs away to the elevator.

Colt presses some buttons on his wrist and we can hear an ENGINE ROARING and the Bronco Buster approaches the broken window. The cockpit opens and Colt jumps into the cockpit.

He looks back through the broken window. Saber is still waiting for the elevator.

Colt smiles at tips his head.

COLT

See you later!

The cockpit closes and the Bronco Buster dives.

Saber frowns and presses the elevator button again.

BACK ON VENA

Vena doesn’t slow down. Below her a large glass ceiling.

She presses the buttons again -- but this time she’s not so lucky -- the strain is too much for the bed -- it breaks in half.

Vena keeps falling and with a BANG she CRASHES through the glass ceiling into:

INT. EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY

SHATTERING GLASS. Vena lands on her feet, the cuffs dangling from her hands.

Vena wipes away the glass shards and looks around. She stares directly at April. She is sitting on a hovering gurney and is being examined by a DOCTOR. Jesse stands next to her.

Vena grins. Jesse gets in front of April to protect her. Vena grins even more.

VENA

I love it when a plan comes together?

Jesse pulls his gun.

JESSE

What the...

April wants go get up but Jesse signals her to stay down.

Vena moves her hand towards her stomach, she’s bleeding.

The doctor looks at Vena and then at the emergency button.

Vena smiles and pulls out a big glass shard and throws the shard at the doctor.

April SCREAMS and jumps up.

The doctor collapses, Jesse turns towards him -- Vena kicks the gun out of Jesses hand, catches it mid air and roundhouse kicks Jesse across the room.

VENA

(smiling gleefully)

Best day ever.

Jesse lies unconscious on the ground.

Vena points her gun at April, takes a step towards her and smiles.

VENA

Do you fancy a little trip little dove ... or should I say little eagle?

INT./EXT. ENTRANCE HALL

Under the giant glass ceiling people are running around, doctors SHOUTING for nurses and gurneys.

The elevator door opens. A DOCTOR IN WHITE emerges with a hovering gurney with a body bag on it.

It’s Vena. She steadily walks across the hall towards the exit. Even through her disguise we can see her smiling.

The Bronco Buster lands in front of the entrance. Colt exits the Bronco, an ambulance approaches and lands next to him.

Nurses and doctors start running towards the ambulance.

Vena sees her chance and walks towards the ambulance.

INT. ELEVATOR

Saber stands in the elevator. A muzak version of the “Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs” theme song is playing.

EXT. HOSPITAL

The nurses and doctors get close to ambulance. Vena, hiding in the CROWD, passes Colt.

Colt is looking around but he doesn’t pay attention to the people attending the ambulance.

Three people get pulled out of the ambulance. Vena waits and then shoves her gurney into the now empty ambulance. She climbs in and shuts the door.

Colt is still screening the crowd.

The ambulance’s front door opens and a dead body falls out. The body hits the ground. Colt turns towards the ambulance.

The engine ignites and the ambulance lifts off. Colt draws his gun and fires -- A HIT. Parts of the engine get blown away.

The ambulance sinks to the ground.

ON VENA

VENA

Stupid mutton-puncher, praise NEMESIS for ground propulsion.

BACK ON COLT

Colt keeps firing. The ambulance pulls back and crashes into the Bronco.

Colt almost gets squashed and the ambulance races away towards the main gate.

On a terrace above the entrance hall Fireball has seen the scene unfold. He sits in a motorised wheelchair. The engine cover is missing and it looks like Fireball rewired the whole thing.

FIREBALL

(shouting at Colt)

Now you know how that feels!

Colt looks up mumbles something and looks at the big dent in his Bronco, parts of the engine are broken.

Fireball takes a look at his wheelchair and sighs.

FIREBALL

Here comes nothing!

He presses the controller forward and accelerates, the wheelchair sound like a race car -- Fireball built himself a “race chair”.

He drives (or slides) down the glass ceiling and tries to steer towards the side closer to the main gate.

He jumps off the glass roof and lands on the grass hill that leads down to the main gate.

In his face we can see equal parts excitement and terror.

The ambulance reaches the gate and CRASHES through, turns into the main road and -- a SCREAM.

FIREBALL

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

He flies through the air and reaches the ambulance and manages to grab the door handle. The ambulance accelerates.

Fireball is dangling from the ambulance and his splinted leg is stuck in the wheelchair. His excitement turns into pain.

The speed is too much for the wheelchair and the wheelchair falls apart.

Fireball still has part of the wheelchairs arm rest in his hand. His splinted leg grinds along the pavement.

Fireball pulls himself further up, opens the door and climbs into the ambulance.

INT. AMBULANCE

Fireball lays on top of a body bag. The bag starts to move.

He opens the zipper and finds a gorgeous blonde, April. She is cuffed and gagged.

Fireball starts removing the gag. April MUMBLES.

Fireball points at Vena who is busy steering the ambulance and signals April to be quiet.

He tries to remove the cuffs but as he looks up he sees that Vena is doing something on the steering wheel.

The HUD reads “AUTOPILOT ENGAGED”.

Fireball lips mouth the word SORRY.

He puts the gag back, April protests silently; he closes the body bag and rolls under the gurney.

Vena opens the slide door and walks towards the body bag, unzips it and removes the gag.

VENA

So, Miss Eagle, tell me, where is it?

APRIL

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

VENA

I really thought we could solve this issue like reasonable people, woman to woman so to speak. I just need to know where you stored the RAMROD...

This word makes April shudder.

VENA

... device. Ahh, so you do know what I’m talking about.

APRIL

I’ll never talk. I’ll rather die than talk.

Vena smiles.

VENA

They always say that.

Fireball is quietly looking for a weapon of some sorts.

VENA

I’m quite good at figuring out what motivates people.

Vena presses a button, the gurney sinks down and Fireball is caught between gurney and floor. He can’t move.

Vena looks at him and smiles.

VENA

Hi Raceboy! This is perfect, just when you need someone to prove a point.

Vena pulls a knife and shows it to April.

VENA

So Miss Eagle, please picture me cutting his throat very slowly. I know you would sacrifice yourself, but can you sacrifice someone else?

FIREBALL

What are you waiting for, tell her everything.

The autopilot starts to BEEP. On the HUD: COLLISION ALERT.

VENA

I’m really sorry! Just give me a second to take care of this mess.

Vena returns to the steering wheel.

EXT. MOTORWAY

The ambulance races towards a road block, about a mile ahead, heavily guarded by armed POLICEMEN.

INT. AMBULANCE

Vena accelerates -- then someone knocks on the window.

It is Saber, riding on Steed.

Vena lowers the window.

SABER

Stop the car now and let them go.

Vena smiles.

VENA

A welcoming committee, how nice of you.

She turns around and looks at Fireball and April.

VENA

Just as we thought you might get out of this alive.

Vena turns the wheel hard left.

EXT. MOTORWAY

The ambulance almost knocks Saber and Steed over and CRASHES through the beam barrier into oncoming traffic.

Breaks SCREECHING. Cars CRASHING into each other but the ambulance evades them almost effortlessly.

Saber keeps pursuing. He closes in on the ambulance -- but then -- hard left again -- the ambulance CRASHES through another beam barrier and flies off the motorway.

The ambulance CRASHES through a big billboard -- Fireball selling “Pearl White Toothpaste – The fastest way to pearl white teeth” and lands on an other motorway lane -- two cars break hard and two others CRASH into them.

INT. AMBULANCE

Vena looks into the rear mirror. Behind her cars are piling up. Total car mayhem.

She smiles.

VENA

This is getting better and better.

She switches on the autopilot and gets back to April and Fireball.

VENA

So where were we? Oh yes....

She pulls his knife out and puts it at Fireballs throat.

VENA

... last chance before I cut him up, where...

She gets interrupted by a voice over the radio.

SABER (V.O.)

It’s useless Vena. You can’t escape.

VENA

I’m trying to work here, all I want is just a few minutes without being interrupted? Is that too much to ask?

She gets up and switches the radio to hands-free.

VENA

I’d love to chat with you about the two or three times you almost caught me but I’m hitting it off with this cute blonde.

(to April)

Do you want to say something?

APRIL

(shouting)

We are fine Sir! Just get her!

FIREBALL

You call this fine?

Vena kicks him and knocks him out.

VENA

Hey, I didn’t say it was your turn to talk.

The autopilot BEEPS again. The HUD reads: Energy levels low.

VENA

Looks like I have to hurry. Talk to you later Sheriff.

She switches the radio off and looks around in the ambulance. She takes a bottle off the shelf and fills a syringe and injects April.

APRIL

What are you doing?

VENA

Let’s see if this makes you more cooperative?

Vena rips Aprils cloth off, puts sensor patches on her bare skin and switches the heart monitor on.

April looks dizzy.

VENA

This should do the trick. Where is the RAMROD weapon?

APRIL

(with a weak voice)

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

The monitor shows some spikes.

VENA

Naughty girl. You shouldn’t tell lies. Is it on Yuma by any chance?

No spike on the device.

VENA

I guess not. What about Ganymede?

EXT. MOTORWAY

The ambulance is racing along the motorway.

Saber and Steed still in pursuit but he’s not alone. The Bronco Buster is approaching fast.

COLT (V.O.)

Hey old geezer, missed me?

SABER (V.O.)

Go away, or I’ll have you arrested for obstruction of justice.

COLT (V.O.)

Because you’re doing such a bang up job arresting people.

Then someone else joins the conversation.

JESSE (V.O.)

Can’t you solve this after we get her?

Jesse, with a black eye and a swollen nose, is standing behind a road block and stares at the fast approaching ambulance.

JESSE

Slow him down and we’ll take care of the rest.

SABER (V.O.)

That we can do.

The Bronco Buster FIRES a rocket at the ambulance -- a hit.

The back door gets blown to bits. Saber can see Vena interrogating April.

INT./EXT. AMBULANCE

Vena stares at Saber who is just a few horses lengths behind. Saber has to evade debris from the door and loses ground.

For the first time in all this Vena looks nervous. Fireball slowly regains consciousness.

Then -- on the radio.

JESSE (V.O.)

Surrender now and you will get a fair trial. Hurt her and I will personally make your life a living hell.

Vena starts smiling again.

VENA

(to April)

OK, last chance girl, is RAMROD on Alamo?

The drugs have kicked in fully. April MOANS, and the device spikes.

Vena looks pleased with herself.

VENA

Alamo it is. Thank you very much.

Right at this moment -- the Bronco Buster is directly behind the ambulance

COLT

(over loud speakers)

Hands up! It’s dead or alive so I don’t mind if I have to shoot you.

Vena turns toward Colt and starts laughing.

VENA

Be my guest cowboy.

Vena starts dancing around.

VENA

Am I moving too fast? C’mon, shoot already.

Colt fires but it’s not a rocket, it is a grappling hook. Vena looks disappointed.

VENA

That’s it?

Colt hits the breaks and the ambulance slows down. Vena stumbles.

Fireball, fully conscious again sees his chance, he pushes the gurney up and manages to move a few feet, enough to free himself.

He pulls himself up and tries to punch Vena but Vena doesn’t even blink when he hits her straight in the face.

VENA

Is that all you’ve got? I barely felt that. Want to try again?

Fireball punches her again -- no reaction.

VENA

Pathetic!

Vena kicks Fireball right into the stomach and he falls out of the Ambulance and lands on the Bronco. He stares at Colt through the window.

Colt tries to look past Fireball but Fireball tries to evade him as well and they keep staring at each other.

The Bronco starts to trundle and with it the ambulance.

The Bronco CRASHES into the ambulance’s rear suspension, gets stuck and rips the suspension off. Fireball gets thrown back into the ambulance.

The ambulance starts to grind on the road.

Vena is back at the wheel. She hits the breaks and turns the wheel hard left.

The ambulance flips over -- flying over the road block -- and lands in the side. There -- a small fire at the bottom of the ambulance.

Jesse looks at the flipped over ambulance and starts running towards it.

He signals the other policemen to stay back.

JESSE

Stay back! It’s going to blow!

Jesse climbs into the Ambulance. Fireball is picking up April.

JESSE

Let me!

Fireball nods and hobbles away. Jesse takes her.

JESSE

April? You all right?

April MOANS, she’s barely conscious.

Up front he sees Vena. Still sitting in the chair -- fixed with a piece of metal through her chest.

Vena, barely alive, turns around and smiles.

VENA

I’ll greet the other side from you.

She picks up a bottle of sterilizer with a “highly flammable” sign on it.

Jesse grins and carries April out of the ambulance.

EXT. MOTORWAY

Jesse and April exit the ambulance. Fireball is still crawling. Saber and Colt run towards them. Colt picks up Fireball.

COLT

Where’s your wheelchair?

Fireball smiles.

Saber keeps running towards the ambulance but Jesse signals to get down.

JESSE

Get down! The ambulance...

The ambulance EXPLODES in a big ball of fire.

The blast blows everybody down.

Saber is the first one to get back up and stares at the burning ambulance.

SABER

So much for my only lead.

INT. AMBULANCE

The ambulance is burning and the fire has reached a lifeless Vena, her face is already melting away and leaves behind a strange looking skeleton that gets consumed by the flames.

EXT. MOTORWAY

Saber, Jesse are staring at the burning ambulance.

Colts gets up and wipes away the dust.

COLT

There goes my reward.

TWO MEDICS are attending Fireball and April.

Saber turns towards fireball and starts interrogating him.

SABER

What did she say?

FIREBALL

I don’t know, something about a secret project and then she started to call out planets.

SABER

What planets?

FIREBALL

I don’t know. I was knocked out.

Hearing this, April regains consciousness.

Everybody turns towards her.

JESSE

April, are you all right?

But April ignores the question, she looks at Saber.

APRIL

Nice to see you again sir.

SABER

Likewise, but you can drop the sir Miss Eagle. Your father fired me today.

April looks surprised. Saber turns to Jesse.

SABER

Mr. Blue.

Jesse nods.

APRIL

We have to go to Alamo!

SABER

What about the attacks.

APRIL

You don’t understand. She knew about the RAMROD project! We have to go there, now!

SABER

RAMROD? It can’t be more important than the attacks.

April touches her pendant.

APRIL

But it is.

JESSE

More important than 4000 lives?

APRIL

Yes.

Saber nods. He seems to understand. For now.

JESSE

And how shall we get there? I doubt they have a spare ship down at the cavalry command.

APRIL

We could borrow one.

Everybody turns to Fireball.

Fireball smiles shyly, he’s not happy, not at all.

> FADE TO BLACK.

FIREBALL (V.O.)

I’m not going anywhere until someone fixes my leg.

A bit long but, at least in my opinion, a really great sequence. I’d love to see it realised one day. I’m sure people would really like it. If you want to read more, head over to www.whiteworms.com and read the rest. You’re welcome.

  1. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
  2. Another one of these changes we made that not everyone is happy about.

Featured Screenplay: Skyscraper

$ 32In September I started this new feature called “Featured Screenplay. The idea was/is to showcase some completed screenplays and tell you a bit about them. In September I gave you a glimpse into The Passion of the Geek and today I’m going to tell you a little bit about the screenplay I’m probably most proud of: Skyscraper1.

I still have the original Email I sent to Orlindo about what was then called: Untitled Whiteworms Animation Feature. April 7th 2007, that’s a long time ago and the project took it’s time but what I find most striking about that first email is the fact, that even though there are huge differences between my barebones email pitch and the finished product, there are certain things that are still part of the story. The setting, some of the characters and even some plot points are still visible today and even though the story evolved, the basic premise is still the same. It’s about a bird who has to find its way (wings) and overcome many obstacles to realize who he truly is.

You can read more about the plot and the feedback we got for Skyscraper on the Official Whiteworms Site or in that post from January 2016. I don’t want to talk about all that, I admit though, that getting great feedback from the Blacklist was one of the proudest moments of my “writing career”. No, I want to talk about some of the lessons I learned.

The biggest realization was the importance of character arcs. Our protagonist had a journey and and arc all along but all the minor characters were just along for the ride. The script improved tenfold when we figured out how to make their journey more important and therefore more interesting for the audience.

It’s no secret that the script is heavily influenced by Don Bluth and especially An American Tail. In the initial email, cats were actually the villains2. We turned them into fascist guinea pigs which turned out to be a great idea and a lot of fun to write. Especially Fluffy, the main villain turned into one of my favorite characters to write for. For some reason he just got this distinctive voice that mad him stand out.

But enough history lesson, your here to get a glimpse into the world of Skyscraper and without further ado, please enjoy my favorite scene, the introduction of Fluffy and his army of guinea pigs.

INT. THE GREAT HALL OF THE GUINEA PIGS – DAY

An underground cistern, part of the underground water system, but somehow forgotten a long time ago.

An underground city almost as breathtaking as the New York itself -- the home of the self-declared super-race of the underground -- GUINEA PIGS.

Thousands of guinea pigs are standing, side by side listening to their megalomaniacal leader, General FLUFFY. He is dressed in a very convincing looking uniform made out of trash.

Fluffy speaks from a large STAGE, behind him a giant picture of him made out of different pieces of paper.

FLUFFY

My friends, the day has come. Finally we will take our rightful place in this, our world. Too many of us have been replaced by those vicious cats and these cuddly dogs. Too long have we lived as outcasts, thrown away, flushed down. They treated us like rats. I say enough is enough. It is our birthright and we deserve nothing less than the full unconditional love of the humans.

(beat)

We have to fight for our rightful place as the prime pet. Who is with me?

Everybody CHEERS, in their high guinea pig voices.

ALL THE GUINEA PIGS

Oo-rah!

Fluffy smiles.

INT. THE SEWERS DEAD END – DAY

Scrap is captivated by the speech and doesn’t realize that the cracks in the floor around him grow bigger.

INT. THE GREAT HALL OF THE GUINEA PIGS – DAY

General Fluffy is still speaking to his captivated audience.

The guinea pigs are so mesmerized that they don’t notice the dust from the cracking ceiling.

FLUFFY

We have to prepare ourselves for a long and hard fight. Some of you will not make it but we will be victorious, it’s us or them. It’s about being flushed down or flushing them down.

(beat)

I wont be flushed down again, I say: FLUSH THEM DOWN!

ALL THE GUINEA PIGS

Oo-rah!

FLUFFY

So tonight we will leave our prison and show the humans how cute we really are.

(beat)

Cute faces!

ALL THE GUINEA PIGS

Oo-rah!

After the battle cry all the guinea pigs practice their CUTE FACES, the cutest facial expression ever. They look extremely cute but Fluffy “out-cutes” all of them.

But then, the ceiling breaks and Scrap falls into the middle of the hall.

Complete silence. Nobody moves, not even Scrap who is a bit dazed from the fall.

FLUFFY

Attack faces!!

Every guinea pig turns towards Scrap, this time with their mean and vicious but nevertheless cute ATTACK FACES.

Scrap looks terrified and very awkwardly he waves his wings.

SCRAP

Hi.

The guinea pigs take a step towards him.

Scrap SWALLOWS HARD and Fluffy CRACKS his knuckles.

FLUFFY

Hmm, what have we here?

The guinea pigs take one more step towards Scrap.

INT. THE GREAT HALL OF THE GUINEA PIGS – DAY

Fluffy stands on the stage, Scrap lies next to him, tied up and gagged.

FLUFFY

Look at him. This is the face of the enemy. He might not look like a threat now, but don’t forget for a lot of families birds are the pet of choice these days.

Every guinea pig nods in approval.

FLUFFY

I can’t hear you!

ALL THE GUINEA PIGS

Oo-rah!

But then -- Skip swings through the hall on an improvised rope and kicks Fluffy off the stage. The guinea pigs panic.

Complete chaos ensues. Skip quickly unties Scrap.

SCRAP

What are you doing here?

SKIP

What does it look like, I’m rescuing you.

SCRAP

And who’s rescuing you?

He points at the approaching guinea pigs.

SKIP

If you don’t want to be rescued I can leave you to them.

Fluffy climbs back on the stage, grins and takes a step towards them.

SCRAP

You know what you’re doing? Right? You have a plan, right?

SKIP

Theoretically.

Fluffy and the other guinea pigs come closer and closer.

Skip jumps up and punches Fluffy hard and he falls off the stage into the crowd.

Skip grins.

Fluffy gets back on his feet and tries to stand up but before he can say anything he gets run over by a bunch of panicking guinea pigs.

Skip points at Fluffy.

SKIP

What’s his problem?

SCRAP

He was flushed down a toilet.

SKIP

Okay, that explains a lot.

Fluffy stands up again, this time he manages to get hiss footing. He screams.

FLUFFY

ATTACK FACE!!

The guinea pigs stop panicking instantly. They display their “attack face” and look very menacing, as they walk towards the stage.

At first slowly, step by step -- then faster.

Skip throws Scrap a questioning look.

SCRAP

Attack face?

SKIP

Great, for a moment there I thought we were in trouble.

The guinea pigs charge at them. Skip and Scrap are outnumbered 10000 to 2.

SKIP

Let’s do this!

The first over eager guinea pig reaches them and tries to punch Skip. Skip side steps the attacker, the guinea pig misses him, teeters and falls over.

A first wave of guinea pigs follows, focusing on Scrap.

He ducks. Their momentum is so strong that they fly over him and bounce back from the wall and almost hit Skip.

SKIP

Hey, I’m standing here!

One of them hits Skip but instead of knocking him over it bounces off of him and knocks about 10 other guinea pigs over. Skip CHUCKLES.

SCRAP

Sorry!

Skip is surprised and smiles.

SKIP

I’m beginning to like those little fellas.

The guinea pigs get back up and keep attacking in waves but our two heroes have no problem defending themselves against these two legged FUR-BALLS.

Guinea pigs fly through the air. One, then two, two with a perfect somersault. Four, perfectly choreographed... it looks like an air ballet.

Skip has a great time and his smile grows and grows and even Scrap is amused as he sees how the guinea pigs pile up.

Then -- on top of the pile -- Fluffy appears and he starts to roll down the hill with the intention to knock Skip and Scrap over.

He flies through the air -- Kung-Fu-Style -- heading for Scrap -- Scrap performs a roundhouse-kick and kicks Fluffy to the other end of the great hall.

Fluffy seems to stay in the air forever. In his face we can see equal parts of agony and embarrassment.

Finally he reaches the other end of the hall and hits the wall next to a VALVE.

SCRAP

Did you see that?

SKIP

Not bad, bonus points for punching General furball.

Skip sends another guinea pig flying through the room with a somersault kick and smiles at Scrap.

SKIP

But look what I got!

Scrap smiles.

But then -- a strange NOISE. Scrap gives Skip a questioning look.

The noise gets louder. The guinea pigs stop fighting, they pause, then they panic.

SKIP

What’s going on guys? Already tired?

Far in the distance Fluffy is back on his feet and LAUGHS DIABOLICALLY, his hands on the valve.

FLUFFY

EMERGENCY FLUSH CONDITION DELTA!

The guinea pigs look at each other. A SKINNY GUINEA PIG looks concerned and SQUEALS.

SKINNY GUINEA PIG

(subtitled)

Please let it be freshwater! Please!

Behind him a huge wave of stinking sewage gushes into the hall.

SKINNY GUINEA PIG

(subtitled)

Oh $#!t!!!

The guinea pigs claw themselves to the ground and hold hands.

The Great Hall gets filled almost instantly and the “net” of guinea pigs starts to float.

The wave reaches Scrap and Skip and knocks them over.

Scrap struggles in the water, but he manages to stay afloat.

Skip struggles even more and gets pulled down by the current.

Scrap tries to dive back to help him but the current is too strong. He tries to reach Skip.

Skip looks at his brother.

POV SKIP

For a moment Skip sees Holly being grabbed by a vicious harrier.

Skip hesitates. He looks afraid.

Scrap keeps reaching out. Skip finally reaches out as well but too late. They are too far apart.

Skip moves his lips but they are both underwater so Scrap can’t hear what Skip says.

A second wave reaches Scrap and he gets flushed away. He knocks his head on the ceiling and BLACKS OUT.

That scene gets me every time, I hope you feel the same.

  1. That’s the official title treatment.
  2. I initially picked cats because I kinda hate cats. So I wasn’t ripping off An American Tail completely but then again, I’m pretty sure I hate cats because of An American Tail, it was the first movie I saw in theaters after all.

Featured Screenplay: The Passion of The Geek

old-typewriter

Not my actual typewriter.

So, I had the idea for a new feature in the site. I call it Featured Screenplay, so what I’ll do is, I’ll share some of my screenplays with some thoughts about them and if you would like to know more about them just let me know.

I’m going to start with my first real endeavor into screenwriting, I started this one a long time ago, even before “Skyscraper”. Back at University, after I completed my first (totally over-written) romantic drama (no, I wont tell that story), I decided to get rid of all that drama crap and write something funny.

I combined some of my experiences (yes, the script was a bit like therapy) and some crap I made up in my spare time and turned it into a fairly personal story that is so completely out there that even I can’t take myself serious anymore. The script is full with half-baked ideas I once had (my unfinished time-travel TV show), strange characters and scenes that are blatantly stolen from classic movies.

I called this magnum opus “The Passion of the Geek” and even though the script has many flaws, I still remember it very fondly. The “hero” of the story is Ben, basically a movie version of me, which gets confusing when Ben has to convince me, yes me Greg, to help him rewrite the movie.

Yes, it’s quite strange.

I break the fourth wall a lot and the script makes fun of certain romantic comedy tropes. I tried to write a movie with jokes for people like me, a lot of meta-jokes and some nice references. It is really important though, that I don’t consider it a spoof movie. I’m not the biggest fan of recent spoof movies and I tried to avoid their biggest mistakes and focused more on timeless pop culture than on recent hits.

“The Passion of the Geek” probably not my most original work (hell, even the title is kind of stolen) but I’d argue that the the script is more than the sum of its parts. Maybe you read it and be the judge of that. I include a little sample here. Feel free to comment and critique it.

EXT. OLD FACTORY, PARTY LOCATION – NIGHT

Amy and Ben are standing in front of the old factory. Full moon above them. It is a really romantic setting. Amy seems a bit uncomfortable with the situation.

AMY

Okay, what is it?

BEN

Long or short version.

AMY

Make it short.

BEN

Short then.

(deep breath)

Amy, it has been a long time since the day we met and I wanted to say this a million times but I never had the guts to. But now, thanks to Olga, I just have to tell you how much I love you.

Ben feels relieved. The weight of the world has just fallen off him.

AMY

Who’s Olga?

BEN

Never mind, forget about Olga. Olga is not important. I just really like you and I hope that you like me too.

Amy is moved by Ben’s honesty and she is sad that she has to disappoint him.

AMY

Listen Ben, you are a really nice guy and I really like you too but I’m sorry, there is someone else.

The echo of the “someone else” travels around the world.

Ben tries to hide his disappointment.

BEN

It’s okay I expected that to happen, but it was important for me to let you know how I feel. Is it too late to play the friendship card?

AMY

No it isn’t. I would love to have a friend like you.

BEN

Friends then?

AMY

Yes Friends.

She smiles and kisses him on the cheek. The image freezes and the picture quality changes.

INT. TV ROOM – NIGHT

The footage of Amy and Ben kissing is shown on a TV. Ben stands next to the TV.

BEN

(to the audience)

That’s what I call crash and burn, I got totally friendzoned but you have to admit that I stayed cool. I could have freaked out, but I stayed cool. But let’s press rewind and watch it again.

He presses rewind and the video rewinds.

BEN

Where I got the video? The Internet where else? But now look how I experienced it.

The TV shows the scene from before.

BEN (IN TV)

I just really like you and I hope you could like me too.

AMY (IN TV)

Listen Ben, you are a really nice guy and I really like you too but I’m sorry, there is someone else.

Her eyes start glowing red. She takes her hand and rams it into Ben’s chest. She rips his heart out. She holds the beating heart in her hand and LAUGHS LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN. Then she throws it on the ground and stomps on it.

BEN

I need a drink.

Ben walks away from the TV.

EXT. OLD FACTORY, PARTY LOCATION – NIGHT

Amy and Ben are walking back into the Building.

AMY

Wanna know something funny? Back when we met, you know the accident and everything?

BEN

Yeah, sure how could I forget.

AMY

I kind of had a crush on you.

BEN

Really?

AMY

Yes.

Amy smiles.

INT. TV ROOM – NIGHT

EVIL AMY on the TV screen kicks Ben in his testicles.

This is one of my favorite scenes and shows the kind of humor the screenplay uses. I hope you liked it.

The current version of “The Passion of the Geek” is 102 pages long and was last revised in October 2016. So if you’re interested in a half-baked strange comedy for total geeks, drop me a line.